Pick a Dream

I remember the day of the last attempt to save my eye so I would have a chance to see. When I was being wheeled into the operating room, I asked, “Shall I count down?”   The anesthesiologist said, “No, pick a dream.”    I did.  For me, on that day, my dream was to see my son for the very first time, even if only for a moment.  I knew that moment could be held in my memory for a lifetime.  I longed to see him just once, but after four and a half hours of surgery, I was heartbroken to learn the operation was a failure.

The doctor explained that my eye was now too weak to ever be operated on again.  My best hope was to hold on to the non-seeing eye as long as I could and hope medical technology would advance fast enough for my sight to be restored.  At that time, my dream was to save my non-seeing eye. But just as the seasons change, my dreams have changed.  My non-seeing eye died months later, and it had to be removed.  So I became blind in three days and both my eyes were removed in less than three years.

I have accepted seeing is not a reality.   But I often dream in vivid colors and try to wake in hopes of capturing the little child I meet in my dreams so I can see outside of my dreams.

Today, my dream is for a permanent home – a yard for my son to play in, a home with two bedrooms so he can have his own room and a laundry room with a washer and dryer so we no longer have to go to the laundromat next door.   Ricky and I have started saving toward our American dream – we have our little trailer jar we put any extra change or cash in when we have it.  We are hoping to purchase a mobile home in a mobile home park that includes a playground and is located right by the school he already attends.  Being able to purchase a mobile home would be like winning the lottery for us.  It would allow us to have a yard for Ricky to play in so I can feel like he is safe, to have a way to do laundry without operating those darn coin-operated machines, and for Ricky to have his own bedroom (which is Ricky’s American dream)!

Because I have a limited income, it will take forever to save enough money in our trailer jar.  And with my many years of homelessness, I have not yet grown much of a credit score!  Today I do the best I can with what I have but as a mom I long to provide a permanent home for my son.

I still believe dreams come true and hope you do too.